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Pupster: One-Nighters
I was involved in a marketing campaign in 2010 for the doggy dating site
Pupster. Although I don't typically take a moral stance on doggy relationships, I
did try to create a dialogue on how canine monogamy may prevent shelter
overcrowding and lower euthanasia rates. Most of what I said about 'heat' and
it's impact on one-nighters was taken out of context so I turned down a
lucrative contract the following year.
Troubled Years
I used to wear too many tags, tried to get a tattoo (evidently, no one will tattoo a dog), and ran with a bunch of American bulls. This was a tough road, and somehow came out the other side minus only one dew claw.
Island Owning
I was considering island ownership way before it wasn't cool. My vision was a utopian chihuahua dog society with rodents brought in for our amusement. I had procured both a live nutria supplier and fresh shipments of milk when my image was tainted due to sniffing the wrong dog.
Doggy Denim by Danny
By 1917, my great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather, Danny-Boy, had firmly established himself in the dog denim segment. He was known for utilitarian designs with heavy riveting. These were work clothes first, but looking back at his old designs, there was a stylistic approach I began to appreciate. I brought back many of his old drawings and added my own touches. Being a fan of old-fashioned collars and hating getting bitten on the back, I constructed my first piece as a combination collar and back cover. It had plenty of space near the wiener while allowing for full-on wagging when the moment arose. The neck was taught but comfortable, and it just felt right. These retailed for $70 but did not sell well.
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Canine Behavior Magazine
In 2011, I was approached by C.B. magazine to be featured in an article on behavior and its relationship to treats. I was required to demonstrate my lack of fear of the dishwasher to help all the dogs afflicted with dishleprophobia. I will say the treats I received after my interview were exceptional and may have included some chicken bones.
Leader of the Pack
This was the pose I used early in my career and it was one of strength and mental toughness. After the famous "German Shepard incident" I realized I had become an ever-wagger. This disorder is characterized by wagging even when there are no treats nor anything exceptional around. I then traveled the world to teach my techniques in the Way of the Wag.
Pup-Appeal Magazine
This is from a dramatic photoshoot I did for a fine arts magazine Pup Appeal. The creative direction was a bit out of my usual comfort zone but it paid well. This particular photo required me standing on three legs for an extended period of time.
My Pride and Joy
There was a time when I thought this nail would get me into the circus. I found
out the hard way that one long toenail isn't enough to draw a crowd.
A Dog's Life
I was passed over for a role in a wonderful made-for-TV special about a dog. It
became one of my most difficult failures. I had learned over three tricks and
slimmed down to a lean 11 pounds, but this was the first time I understood how
chihuahuas were treated in Doggywood. Your eyes aren't straight enough, your
ears are too big, you smell like salsa, and your coat is too stiff. The final straw
was the infection I got from that stray back by the dumpster.
Civil Service
I enjoyed my short time in politics. I ran on policy changes centered around DNA verification of dogs ashes received from the vet.
Retirement
In 2021 I came to the realization that my fame and fortune were useless
In 2021, I came to the realization that my fame and fortune were uselesstine
which I learned when in Bali. It created the self discipline I needed have
someone blow in my face for over one minute straight, to greet the mailman
with one bark only, and to come to grips with my hatred for poodles. Here is
when the best part of my journey began. It started with an older guy with one
leg and ended with another family that put -Berto on the end of my name.
I loved them and every minute of my life.
April 26, 2022
Life in Focus: I Am Gilbert
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